No Kesha I will not spell your name with a $ symbol.

Can someone explain Kesha to me?

I don’t get it. Maybe I am not supposed to get it because I am “an adult.” PREPOSTEROUS!

Sure, she is minimally talented and her tunes are catchy, but that’s the point of her job. She is supposed to entertain. But she is not crazy enough to pull of this schtick, nor is she talented enough to make us care. If anything, she is like that weird kid in school who no one really paid attention to outside of her mildly amusing pranks.

She reminds me of a court jester.

Of a small court, maybe like Liechtenstein or Monaco.

And really, who the hell does she think she is telling people that they are pronouncing AND spelling her name wrong. Its a made up name. It has a $ symbol… instead of an s. Is that supposed to make me think the checks are rolling in for her. Because seriously, M.C. Hammer couldn’t catch a break and Michael Jackson couldn’t pay his bills (alledgedly)

And Cher, Madonna & Britney had to dance/strip/sing/polarize to become single-moniker superstars,

but this chick thinks she’s something special because she buys her clothes at Goodwill?

Gag me with a spoon.

But this song, I’m not going to lie, is kinda catchy. Even if she swears that glitter is hardcore.

Because the only thing hardcore about glitter is when it gets stuck on EVERYTHING! And in your eye. Have you ever had glitter in your cornea? It. Ain’t. Fun.

Not even the eye patch.

So if anyone can answer the riddle of what this woman’s deal is, I will bake you a cookie.

And no, Modelo does not bake, so it will be store bought. But it will be the best damn store bought cookie you have ever had. Possibly a red velvet cookie. Wouldn’t that be awesome. Someone needs to patent that… like yesterday!

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